Get out the mind-set of believing you need a partner for a satisfactory life!
I’ve been single for the last five years and it’s been great!
OK…It’s had its moments.
As long as you have confidence, self-assurance, self-belief, and a good support network, you can maintain a happy life on your own!
Feeling sorry for your lonely-ass-self; wishing you had someone is the reason you’ll continue feeling miserable, and you’ll probably end up with the wrong kind of partner!
So whilst you may think it’s a good idea to stay in bed all day, are you likely to stay in bed again tomorrow? Lying in bed absorbing fake reality, or somebody else’s life is not releasing good endorphins into your body.
I’ve found my mood becomes affected more based on my day-to-day life, and how little I can accomplish on a daily basis.
Scientifically this is because when we feel like we’ve accomplished things- we feel good- our body release dopamines, which is ‘a happy hormone,’ and makes us feel AMAZING!
You may also be thinking, “why just twelve things, why not ten, or fifteen?”
Well, I’ve accommodated to each month- the moods I feel in particular. Of course, the things I suggest should be done more regularly than once a month- and in fact, can be done everyday in a month if you’re feeling extra motivated!
Jan: Set long and short- term goals!
Being low can be a result of feeling bored or unsatisfied with your life. You may not be achieving anything, or you may keep failing.
“There is no such thing as failure, only feedback!”
In the cold month of January, it can be easy to stay settled under the duvets and stuck in the house. Our banks are still dentented from the month of Christmas, but our attitudes become adamant, and more willing, to change ourselves.
I always set goals but I never seem to be able to achieve them.
This may simply be a case of how you’re writing down your goals, or how you are viewing them… So…
Here’s what how you can write down strong, affective, achievable goals!
- Buy a diary- and begin to write down goals, and things you’d like to achieve, but be specific and simple!
- Ensure your goals are measurable and meaningful to you! – What would it mean to you to get your goal?
- Write down your goals acting as if you’ve already achieved it! – For example, instead of saying. “I will become a millionaire,” change it to, “I have just become a millionaire.”
- When writing it, you need to be writing with full certainty and confidence that you believe your goal is achievable!
- Be certain it’s within your availability of resources, knowledge and time
Feb: Find a new interest/ try something new!
Why not set yourself a challenge to spark a new interest- make February the month to find, and do, something alternatively pleasing!
Have you ever thought about how much you know? How much time you spend scrolling through social media and boozing with friends?
Knowledge is power and sometimes we all need a bit of a change to spice up a mundane month.
You wouldn’t eat the same meal everyday for a year.
You’d get bored, and probably stop liking it!
This is the same in your day-to-day life.
Trying something contemporary doesn’t necessarily mean go out- buy an instrument-learn how to play it- Although, if that tickles your fancy then why bleddy not!
It could be something so simple as, spending less time binging netflix, and more time reading nonfiction pieces that are going to unlock secret parts of your brain!
Mar: Plan a healthy, nutritious, dinner to make!
You might be reading this thinking…
“Why on earth am I going to make a healthy meal when I’m just cooking for myself? When I’m miserable because nobody wants me… I want to order a pizza with a side of Ben and Jerry’s!”
Your diet, and what you’re putting into your body, has an effect on your mental health!
Eating fast-foods or anything ‘high in sugar’ increases your insulin levels.
Why does that matter?
A high amount of insulin disrupts your blood sugar levels. And has shown to cause signs and symptoms of anxiety. Ultimately it has shown evidence of negatively affecting your ability to think rationally. And your brain function has a harder time.
I have always enjoyed cooking since being at Uni, now I’ve reduced my meat intake cooking seems to be that little bit more fun.
Being able to play around with alternative foods, and spicing up the veg!
mmmm Get in me belly.
Also, cooking is something we have to do EVERYDAY. So mixing it up, adding new spices to an evening, or a new recipe, not only gives you something to do for an extra hour or two, but makes you feel accomplished and proud of yourself for developing your skills!
Apr: Spring cleaning!
Have you ever heard the saying ‘clean room, clean mind?’ well it’s spot on!
Sometimes you don’t have to leave the house to pick- yourself up.
Screaming to sad songs is acceptable for ten- minutes since it makes me realise my life isn’t as tragic as the fact I’m belting out the likes of All Saints, Adele and Robbie Williams.
In general, listening to old songs I use to LOVE
*cough* still *cough*
Makes me feel sassy, and independently satisfied.
Here’s the Playlist if you’re interested: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/339s57jVnlzp6CPryFupQI?si=rm-xhCt4Sp-k5t-
Have a good ol’ tidy out- put clothes into bags for a carboot, or for a charity shop. Completely deep clean your room, and tidy your house! Change things around- make it become as aesthetically pleasing as you want! It’s your personal space after all!
Not only will your body release dopamines because you’ve achieved something, but you’ll wake up in the morning with a clean room/ house and one less thing to worry about!
May: Keep active! Exercise!
This is probably one of the most frequent things you’ll see advised to do! I put it in May because it’s close to the summer- a time in which we focus our minds so much on how we’ll look in a bikini.
DO NOT COMPARE IF YOU ARE ONLY A PART-TIME WORK-OUTER! – That is definitely not a word, but I’ll make it one since I follow my own rules.
Comparing yourself to anyone, in anything you do is bad on the brain, and in exercise it has the ability to put you off completely- don’t allow it too.
Just go at your own pace, and be aware if you haven’t worked out in a while, your body will release endorphins much faster than somebody who works out everyday.
Exercising and being active is a GREAT way to enjoy some time to yourself- it releases stress, disciplines your mind and keeps you happy!
Stay active or your mind, body, and so most most importantly stay active, and exercise for you!
Now is the time to be checking in on your progress, if you haven’t already, and check back to see what you’ve achieved so far!
Personally this is something I like to do, at least, once a week.Just to ensure I am on the right track- I’m focused on my goal, how I’m going to get it. And I’m constantly trying to figure out ways to tackle obstacles, and challenges that get in the way.
Journalling/ self-monitoring not only helps you recognise what you’ve achieved, but it gives you the extra boost of confidence to keep on going! And maybe alter things that haven’t been going as well as you’d hoped.
It also helps you to work on your internal dialogue, which is hugely important and something I will post about!
July: Take yourself on a date.
Don’t read this and think… JUST WHY…
Instead, give it a go!
Take a book- pack yourself a picnic (or buy a meal deal,)- find somewhere to sit, far away from civilisation!
You might want to do the complete opposite and get dressed up, book a table for yourself at a restraunt you’ve just been dying to try out!
Whatever you’ve been wanting to do- that you haven’t because not the right time- or no one is available…
Who cares? Make time for you! Time for you is important! Being alone in a restaurant isn’t embarrassing it’s empowering!
Similarly, being on your own in the outdoors can be just what you needed to clear your head!
When I was trying to understand my mental health, I read a lot of non-fictional books from the likes of; Yuval Noah Harari, Matt Haig, and Johann Haari- each was valuable to me in their own significant ways. And each gave me clearer views on mental health, and different perspectives on life.
Aug: Reach out to an old friend!
It can be nice to catch up with someone you haven’t seen or spoken to for a while.
Checking in with friends- see what’s going on in their lives! Find inspiration, connection and love through them and then continue back on your journey!
Sept: Take your dog for a long- arse walk
If you only were to take your dog for a walk once a year, then I’d recommend getting rid of your dog!
September is the beginning of change. The tones are warmer, the views are more satisfying, and the air crispier.
I find packing a bag of water bottles and food is great to make it a cheap outing- going for a long hike somewhere new, or somewhere I haven’t been for a while.
Not just the standard dog walk- but a good sweaty hike!
Walking far distance is great for releasing endorphins, keeps your body active and your mind fresh!
Oct: Pamper yourself like the princess you are!!
Nov: Have a bubble bath and indulge in a large glass of wine!
When we were children, teachers use to reward us with gold stars; announce our achievements to the class.
When we get older we stop getting gold stars and congratulated on our progress.
After two weeks of sticking to a healthy regime and achieving targets I’d set myself, I realised I deserved some sort of treat. And so I ran myself a hot bath with oils; a large glass of red wine, and D’Angelo playing in the background- a relaxing reminder to myself that I was doing good, and allowed me to wake up in the morning and continue on with my progress.
ALCOHOL SHOULDN’T EVER BE A SOLUTION TO PROBLEMS, NOR A SUBSTITUTE FOR SADNESS!!
Dec: Go to a Christmas market!
December can be a hard month when single- it’s romantic, festive and full of celebration. Being single though means one less person to not stress over a present for- conserving a little bit more money. Christmas is about being with the ones you love- enjoying the smell of the roulette wafting around the City streets- gazing a stiff-neck up to the tops of trees and drinking lots of hot chocolate!
Christmas markets are the perfect way to get into the festive spirit- you don’t need to have to be with someone in order to enjoy them. In fact, I’d argue not being with anyone makes them somewhat more enjoyable. You can stand and admire the stalls only YOU want and not have to worry about losing each other in the rush of the busy crowds.
Essentially- being single doesn’t stop you from doing anything you want to do. If you want to do something, go and do it.
The stigma attached of needing someone to be more happier is a myth that many of us buy into.
Get out of your comfort zone, take back control of your life and have fun doing it!