Do you spend money on fulfilling your desires? Or filling a hole?

How much are you investing money into materialistic, short lived satisfaction, on a daily- monthly- yearly basis? 

How much are these things serving you, before you feel bored? 

How many times do you wear an overpriced piece of clothing, before it becomes off season, or unfashionable to wear? 

Or get obsess over a piece of technology, before the next best product comes out onto the market?  (Which, of course, you need!

Throughout my life I’ve been awful with my money. 

I  always bought things that would validate the person, I thought, I wanted to put out into the world. 

I’d spend forty pounds on a T-shirt, for it only to shrink later in the wash.

And send out a message of the person I wasn’t, resulting in attracting people I could’ve done without. 

I was always leaving nights out with big dents in my bank; a hangover, and a bad couple pictures to validate the night had happened. 

I was investing my money into things I thought made me happy. 

And sometimes, I still do it now… 

(I recently spent £50 on 2 plants, and pots alone). 

I love the plants I’ve brought… Don’t get me wrong. 

They make the environment, and space, I live in much more tranquil. 

And during this year, my environment has been everything!

But then I look at them and think;

“When I leave the UK to live my dream, what the hell am I going to do with all of these plants? And what’s the point in having so many of them?” 

Even now it’s winter, my mind starts telling me I need more jumpers. 

I have to put the breaks on and consider, “is having more than 10 jumpers essential, and significant, to your life right now Beth? What will having another jumper in your life mean to you? 

Short term… Great! 

  • I felt good when I wore new clothes. 
  • I saw myself as sexy, and clean, wearing freshly white pieces that I knew I’d eventually stain. (I’m clumsy and it’s a skill).
  • I reacted more calmly to situations after I smoked a joint. 

But was there another way I could feel good; sexy, calm and happy, without spending all this money? 


And looking into the long term, would investing money on those things, still make me feel similar satisfaction later down the line?…

….Or would I find myself having to re-invest more money into clothes, and drugs, in order to get to the same hit of euphoria?

For me, the answers to my questions were simple. 

I identified, quickly, spending money on these things made me feel soulless, and unidentifiable.  

Making the decision to cut weed out of my life wasn’t drawn up because I hated it. 

But I could acknowledge it was adding to my pain, because it wasn’t honouring the life I wanted to live; the person I was trying to grow into. 

And it sure wasn’t helping me to save money I wanted to be saving! 

Considering myself as an individual, and what I wanted to do in life, allowed me to investigate where I should be spending my money.  

Without the added guilt and regret that usually creeped closely behind. 

Although I didn’t have much money this year, I’ve always seen it as an object which, comes; goes, and whatever I have, will always be enough for me to survive, because it’s a lot more than others.

Donating it to good causes, or to someone else less privileged than me, fulfilled me everytime I did it- so I allowed it to become a regular action I took once a month.  

Finally, when I invested more money then I had, onto a course I desperately wanted, I questioned my insanity for a slight second.

Not a day goes by where I feel a regret about my decision! 

Personally, taking such a risk, and a ‘high gamble’ on my future has kept me motivated everyday to succeed, and strive. 

More recently my insanity was questioned by someone who’d discovered I’d spent forty pounds on a book, with less than 300 pages in it… 

However, having that book in my life has added such significant value in what I’m trying to create, and who I’m destined to become.

So to me, it’s worth way more than any piece of clothing, or technology I’ve owned. 

This morning I made another gamble on my money, and invested, once again on me. 

Do I feel guilt?

No… I feel excited! 

Has it left a bit of a dent in a bank that’s not currently earning a lot?

Sure has! 

But will it add significant impact into my life, and others, on a long term scale?

Yes it will! 

So do I feel stressed, or satisfied with this spend?

Completely, and 100% satisfied.. 

Investing money people would say I shouldn’t be spending, (because I don’t have much), into long term goals has given me the chance to spread my strong, authentic, wings! 

I have trusted my intuition and gut.

I have trusted my capabilities. 

I am confident in my dreams,  of myself, and of where I’m going. 

And that feeling is priceless to me!

So take a minute to consider your own level of satisfaction with money…

How does your current financial situation make you feel?

Do you feel comfortable with the number you see in your bank account? 

If not, why not? 

Is what you’re spending, investment into yourself, and long term dreams? 

Or is the money being spent on things adding to your long term suffering? 

And finally, what would truly excite you after pressing that purchase button?

Leave a Reply