It doesn’t mean you ‘should,’ if it doesn’t feel good.

I reflected back on a little exert in my journal today…

At the time I wrote this reflection, I had watched a Ted and was feeling somewhat lonely, lost and unfulfilled. 

I had began questioning whether quitting my job had been the right decision to make…

I couldn’t find another one.

I had little money in the bank.

I wasn’t enjoying caring for my nan particularly very much, and I didn’t have much of a social life. 

“Who do I think I am?” was the question I’d like to talk about today…

Because, funnily enough, the same answer I wrote 6 months ago, is the same acceptance I gave to myself last week:

“I am both fun; silly and immature, but I’m also kind, caring, and serious when I want to be.” 

It’s amazing how reading this made me feel emotional… 

It’s like the Universe really needs me to understand that it’s ok to be both, and it’s ok to show off both of those sides 

Being honest, on the journey I have had in the last year, I have really struggled to think I can be both…  

Often I have gotten scared of being one without being the other… 

But both are me, 

both are who I am… 

Accepting that isn’t something (as you can see) that has been a one time thing,

Click of the finger,

No longer an issue…

Last week especially was a series of backwards and forwards moves… 

Revelations of who I am, 

VS. the person I think I should be. 

“To be more serious…” 

Or 

“To be more me…” 

Being honest, I’m now under the impression a lot of us don’t really know who we are… 

Or what we truly can do, and offer to the world… 

We seem to choose to do things based on what we believe we should be doing, because of the expectations that we have set for ourselves; others have set for us, or how we have chosen to see the world. 

Not necessarily on what feels good for us…

What I’ve learnt from this is it creates a build up of emotional exhaustion…  

It creates anxiety, blocks, fears.

And it creates little to no action in taking a step forwards into your journey… 

I wrote a lot in this answer, of ‘Who do I think I am’

One of which was also…

“I struggle with confidence, I can be shy to show myself off, and happy to write secretively about my emotions.” 

You see, when I started a mental health blog a year ago, I was writing it for others.

And I wasn’t consciously aware of the challenges, and blocks growing up in the generation of SM has given to me.

Suddenly came the comparisons of what all the other mental health bloggers were doing, and putting out into the world… 

Making me feel like I needed to show up as someone who had got it all sussed out.. 

To be someone writing a mental health blog, at the time, I had to be someone who had their mental health in check now right? 

Wrong. 

I believe mental health will always suffer somewhere inside of us if we choose not to show up to the world as ourselves. 

If we choose to ignore who we are – and try to be someone else.

But yet, how can you know if you’re truly being yourself, and living life according to your purpose, and identity, if you don’t stop to ask the right questions? 

Ironically, the more I have enjoyed, and experienced getting to know myself in these last few months, the less I have wanted to share with the world… 

And the more confused I’ve been about what I should be sharing to the world…

Which is why I’m writing this blog post today.

As a reminder to myself: 

To be the person I love the most 

To be the person, I am proud of being. 

To be the person I needed a year ago. 

We will never truly know ourselves, until we start listening to what we really want, and what feels good to us… 

We must take action, even if that action feels vulnerable…

In my answer I also wrote “when my fck it attitude comes back, my self-doubts step down, and I feel myself getting stronger…”

Which is exactly the attitude I have as I share this post today…

I have my ‘fck it,’ attitude on!

If you ever find yourself stuck on doing something you think you should be doing…

VS.

Doing something you want to be doing… 

Just imagine you have already made the decision for one of them…  

And then ask yourself:  

How does it feel to have made this decision? 

What does that decision allow me to do? 

How does that decision allow me to move forwards? 

And then repeat for the other option… 

My best advice, for the me a year ago – would be.

It doesn’t mean you ‘should’ 

If it doesn’t make you feel good! 

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