Maybe it’s because there’s been a full moon I’ve been battling with insomnia these last couple of nights, and nothing to do with the problems I’ve chosen to bottle up…. Either way, I’m back.
It’s been a long time since I last posted a blog- I’m sure my non-existent thousands of fans are as heartbroken as I’ve felt, putting off something that I love doing.
So I apologise, to both myself, and you all…
*Pauses for forgiveness*
They’re said, but never acted on; accepted, but resurface when the next problem arises and although they’re forgiven, are they ever forgotten?
Apologies aren’t necessarily said because someone’s done wrong, it can be a way to show politeness, like when you’ve cut in front of a line- by apologising you show you respect the rules that are put in place, and agree they should be upheld.
Apologies at a young age, if not understood, were usually forced into our mouths and made to say, even when we saw no wrong.
“Apologise now or you’re grounded.”
We may not have wanted to, or felt like we should’ve, but it was the easier thing to do when being told off.
Could this be why some of us grew up not understanding what it really means for the receiver to hear?
Apologising when you’ve done wrong, may hurt your pride, but it can also heal your relationship- so what’s more important?
Apologising shows a level of respect and re-establishes dignity for those you hurt. Just because you apologise first, doesn’t necessarily mean it was all your fault, and you’re taking all the responsibility; it shows you’ve accepted you’ve done wrong, and you’re willing to make amends.
Sometimes you may hurt someone without even realising, and although it was unintentional, by apologizing you’re showing the receiver a level of respect. You might start by saying, “I’m sorry this upset you, I had no idea it would…” And by doing so, you’ve opened up a conversation and taken initiative to change your actions.
Is it fair to apologise to someone if you haven’t acknowledged what you’re apologising for?… Just to make the other person happy…
You THINK they want to hear an apology, but when it’s a recurring problem, and a popular word in your vocabulary, it becomes nothing but an empty synonym, with no meaning, emotion, or empathy behind it.
How many times can one person apologise, for the same thing, before you realise they won’t change and you walk away?
When shouldn’t you apologise?
If you’re apologising but don’t mean it, or because it’s the easier thing to do, then chances are you’re going to repeat the offence; eventually the receiver will feel frustrated, and the relationship will break down. This is due to the fact apologising, three times, for the same thing, brings to the surface you’ve done something even you agree is wrong, but refuse to change.
Like the naughty kid in school who apologises for talking, but continues doing it, over and over again. Ater the third time, the teacher sends them out of class, because they’ve shown little respect and commitment to changing their attitude to learning.
Since lockdown I’ve had conversations with many people, some of which have expressed feelings of frustration and sadness to me, only to apologise afterwards..
It makes me sad, even though I’m guilty of it too.
I apologise after venting for a long time- after feeling bored of the sound of my own voice, and imagining how the person on the receiving end must feel.
The feelings of anxiety, and a need to apologise for our emotions, sadly, have come from the many experiences of our past, or times we’ve opened up to someone who hasn’t made our problems feel significant enough to be talking about, or getting upset over; we’ve been told our problems ‘aren’t that bad,’ or someone doesn’t need to hear this…
One way or another, someone has once made us feel ashamed of being honest about the way we feel- someone’s laughed at us for being ‘too sensitive;’ called us an attention seeker for cutting ourselves, or speaking up about our depression.
We’ve been befriended after too many ‘negative,’ days… Left alone until we’re, ‘back to normal,’ or told, ‘we’re ‘just being silly.’
For this reason, so many out there suffer in silence.
We think it’s easier to keep our problems locked away in a box, out of fear of losing a relationship, or so we don’t annoy anyone and come across as a ‘moaning myrtle’.
Sadly, the more problems we shut away, the less storage space in the box; the more it fills, and the harder it becomes to stay closed.
When we’ve finally reached our capacity, and break, we spill our feelings out over something as little as burning toast…
Yes. I burnt my toast the other morning and cried.
I wasn’t crying over the burnt toast, obviously.
I was crying at everything else I’d failed to acknowledge; my emotions became overwhelming, and my toast turned soggy.
It was silly, getting upset over burnt toast and I knew that, but it was also silly of me to keep ignoring my emotions and carry on as if nothing was wrong.
It was silly trying to pretend I was ok.
There’s so much already going on; being away from friends, being kept in houses with people we don’t get along with, and being stressed for our futures, and loved ones lives- it’s no wonder so many of us are feeling down right now.
In this, be your own supportive friend; listen to how you’re feeling, and don’t punish yourself, as it will only make you feel worse.
Additionally, if you speak to your friends about how you’re feeling, chances are they’ve felt similar, and so talking about it will make you feel less silly and more normal.
On the other hand, if you turn to someone who kicks you when you’re already down; cut them out!
No one is worth keeping if they’re making you feel ashamed for having REAL emotions. No matter how big or small the problem that you, or someone you may know is going through, pain is pain, and it’s relevant!
It’s such a shame to have procrastinated writing throughout these uncertain times- unless writing in my journal once every couple of days counts…..
In some ways I allowed my negative consciousness to take control of the situation, and tell me I wasn’t to write about dealing with mental health when I was having trouble maintaining my own.
Not only do I enjoy the freedom writing gives the voice in my head, but it keeps me grounded and self-assured so it was stupid feeling so insecure.
I didn’t ever start this blog confessing I was cured, or even that I had the right answers- I was writing to assure people that it’s OK to feel the way we feel. To normalise having emotions, since so many of us see it as a weakness, when in fact it’s a strength!
A person is lying to themselves if they’re to say they’re happy 24/7, everyday of every week. But please, if you know someone who truly is, I’d love to follow them and see what they’re doing differently to the rest of us!
Having emotions is a normal thing, and whilst you fear you’re probably overreacting, what does that matter?
If something is upsetting you; causing you to shy away from being the best possible version of yourself, and affecting your day-to-day life, then please convince me why your problems aren’t significant… I dare you!