There always seems to be lots of confusion surrounding self-care. And I frequently get asked the same questions…
What is it?
What do I need?
Am I doing it right?
What would YOU suggest?
Suddenly, self-care has become a market to sell, and we’ve become so lost in the concept of it. Comparing ourselves to others and second guessing who’s self-caring themselves properly..
So what is self-care and am I doing it right?
There’s no right or wrong way to self-caring yourself!
We are all very much aware that showering; brushing our teeth, and maybe treating ourselves to a face mask, on a cold evening, are just the basic forms of our care…
Is showering, brushing your teeth, or wearing a face mask going to keep you happy in yourself …
Over a long period of time….?
Probably not if the rest of your habits are inconsiderate to yourself.
Self-care, to me, relates to how I respect and love myself. Because of this, I will regularly cancel plans when I don’t feel up to it, and I will always acknowledge my emotions and cry if necessary.
This is why I like to look at self-care as actions to take in order to maintain a healthy, loving, and flexible relationship with myself.
Toxic behaviours keep you in the hole
Self-care techniques are things that I should be implementing on a regular basis in order to put me into positive, and resourceful states….
Even when I might be feeling a little low.
They are the things I KNOW make me feel happy when I put them into action.
In order to put myself into a positive state of mind, firstly I have to understand what behaviours trigger negative, and unhelpful states for me so I can steer well away.
This brings me onto why I’m writing this blog today.
Firstly, the Autumn/ winter season for me connotes lie inns, netflix and weed.
The cold season, in itself, happens to be a trigger for my bad behaviours which highlight a lack of love, and care I can have for myself.
Consciously, I know on a rainy day I’m less likely to go outside, and I’m more likely to want to lie in bed, and purge on toxic resources around me.
I also know I hate myself when I over purge on these bad habits.
Although at first, it may seem comforting to smoke weed all day and eat shit food. In the long term, it’s critically damaging to what I’m trying to achieve. And it doesn’t make me feel better when I look back on all the money and time I’ve wasted.
None of these things benefit the future I want to live, and therefore I shouldn’t be implementing them on a daily/ weekly/ monthly basis for a hit of euphoria…
… I am enough, and I’m better than that.
My euphoric hits doesn’t need to be recreational.
In fact- these last few months I have learnt that everything I do ‘self-care’ related keeps me away from these toxic habits I am ready to banish…
And when I’m displaying these toxic behaviours I’m frustrated I’m not learning- developing- and I’m back in a hole…
Here’s a list of habits/ behaviours that keep me in a negative state- the list I want to avoid, but also need to be aware of!
MY NON SELF-CARE LIST:
- Lying in bed all morning
- Not showering
- Not wanting to eat
- Scrolling through social media
- Excusing exercise
- Ignoring messages/ phone calls
- Purging on shit food
- Smoking weed
- Drinking more than my recommended units.
- Talking to guys on Tinder
Positive, self-care, fun things keep you out of that hole.
If I want to make the most out of these chilly, isolated, months and achieve what I want, then I thought what better way than to make a visual list of all the things that keep me focused, positive and motivated!
Of all the good things I can do when I’m feeling a little frustrated/ overwhelmed/ or ‘cabin fevered.’ So that I can relate back, and put them into play when my mood/ motivation is a little off, and I’m craving a recreational hit of euphoria.
I like to look at this in 3 different ways. (Not including hygiene).
These are things to do in my spare time, which don’t involve losing a few brain cells to a Netflix series. Educational self-care keeps me learning, growing and developing.
Fun and active.
These are things that give me endorphins, increase serotonin and makes me feel good. These could be active things, such as walking- exercise, etc… Or something fun, that you don’t do enough of… For example, baking.
Self-reflection/ mind/ soul
Are things that help me to establish where I’m at, how I’m feeling and areas of my life I need to work on. These are things such as, writing gratitudes in the morning- writing to do lists. Questioning how I’m feeling- how I can perform better etc…
Self-reflection self-care is ESSENTIAL for my mental health. In fact, everyone I know who has a good upkeep in self-care regularly self-reflects and self-monitors where they’re at in life.
Here’s just a small list of things I know keep me aligned, focused and motivated.
MY GO TO HAPPY/ SELF-CARE LIST:
- Reading a non-fiction book
- Watching a ted talk
- Reading a blog
- Clay potting
- Writing some poetry/ A short story
- Drawing/ painting
- Playing lambrini gals playlist and dancing like nobody watching
- Writing 3 things I’m grateful for
- Throwing a dinner party
- Facetiming friends
- Learning a tik tok dance (I did this last lockdown and it was FUN).
So, what are you waiting for?
Get writing a list you can refer back too!
Your list won’t look identical to mine.
But you should have a list, with at least 10 different variations of activities on there!
And although sometimes you may not feel like wanting to do any of this… You must take action immediately, and try, if you want to stand a chance of having a more, positive, relationship with yourself. One that doesn’t involve weekly hangovers, wasted hundreds, hours, and regrets.